One memory that encompasses all of my feelings of memories is my son Cole. He is my first child from my second marriage. I had a son with my first husband but then had a lot of difficulty getting pregnant during my second marriage. We tried for a long while and then went through a miscarriage before we found out that we were pregnant with Cole. He was born after a difficult pregnancy and had difficulty breathing and was diagnosed with ABO incompatibility. Basically my body had produced antibodies against my own child and my blood was trying to attack his blood. After a difficult start we were finally allowed to go home much to our relief and my husband and I thought our problems were behind us. Well, of course we were mistaken. Cole had repeated ear infections that did not heal and was found to be completely deaf at seven months. Our ENT then performed surgery and put tubes in his ears. While he was on the operating table he had larango spasms and stopped breathing. He was resuscitated and did not have any permanent damage. For following ear test told us that while he probably had some permanent damage, he could hear enough to learn to speak. As Cole grew we noticed that he did not talk and did not say his first sentence until he was almost four years old. My husband and I felt it was just because he was speech delayed due to his hearing problems and enrolled him into a preschool so he could receive additional therapy. This additional interaction only made us more aware of the differences in our child. He did not interact well with others, he would not look you in the eye and had major meltdowns in almost every situation. Cole was diagnosed with Aspergers when he was three years old. While doing research about this I found an author that echoed my feelings about my child and I wanted to share it with you. Cole has made me have many memories that make me feel warm, laugh, cry, were long ago, and as good as gold.
"When you're going to have a baby it's like planning a vacation trip--to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide-books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo, David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland!"
"HOLLAND!?!" you say, "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I'm supposed to be in Italy! All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible disgusting place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you will learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you never would have met. It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you have been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned". And the loss of that will never, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a significant loss.
BUT IF YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE MOURNING THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T GET TO ITALY, YOU MAY NEVER BE FREE TO ENJOY THE VERY SPECIAL, THE VERY LOVELY THINGS ABOUT HOLLAND."
By Emily Pearl Kingsley
While pulling my hair out today from my own special child I came across this and I know that no matter how bald I may become I am glad that my Holland is here
